Kind to you by Julie Furlong
The first thing I normally do when someone gives me a compliment is move the conversation on quickly. It’s funny how many of us don’t take compliments very well and don’t like others to focus on us too much. We are kind to other people and set low standards for them. But when it comes to being kind to ourselves, we set impossible high standards, that can hardly be reached. Not to mention when other people make mistakes, we forgive them readily, but always take time forgiving ourselves.
I have spent the last few weeks being hard on myself, I stuffed up a dessert for a dinner party I hosted, I questioned if I am a good enough mother, I think to myself I should have done something another way, I look back on a conversation I have had, and say to myself, ‘maybe I shouldn’t have said that’.
Yes, it’s been a bit of an unfortunate run of being hard on myself. Which definitely has had an impact on the way I feel about myself, my anxiety in general and in turn, my productivity.
Sometimes, no matter how much we achieve, we still feel that it is not good enough and we don’t recognise our own talents because we think that everyone can do what we do. We don’t ask others for help even when we need it – we want to be perceived as capable. So, we help others and not let them return the favour. (Read: Knowing Me)
Why do we believe that other people deserve to be treated kindly, but not ourselves?
I’m not sure, but the answer will always be self-compassion. Being kind and understanding to yourself. You need to go easy on yourself and understand that it is a more painful road being hard on yourself – getting lost in judgements, speculation and assumptions. Instead, focus your energy on the positive things to help establish some perspective. Recognise the difference between how you feel when caught up in self-criticism, and how you feel when you can let go of it. (Read: Let Go) Think about how you would treat a friend then treat yourself in the same way.
This year, give yourself a break and self-invest. With a new beginning, and a new chapter join me to focus on not falling into the trap of being so hard on yourself.
Be kind to you.
For your own learning and self-growth, make the choice to try and be a bit more compassionate towards you. Focusing on the wonderful things you have done rather than the things you haven’t, or the things you have not done very well. Accept that you are human and will make mistakes and hopefully learn from them. Don’t look too much into what others might think and accept that there always will be ups and downs.
The truth of the matter is if you practice being kind and forgive yourself you will be even kinder (and stronger) to those around you and close to you. If you help yourself then you will be able to pass on what you gain - the energy, the optimism, the habits and life strategies you learn - to the people in your world. (Read: Positive Habits of Thought)
So next time when someone pays a compliment to you – say thanks, rather than feeling embarrassed or changing the subject. The truth of the matter is by being kinder towards one self the happier you will become.